Assignment Prompt: fictional or otherwise, create a conversation that you think is important.
Name: Maria di Donato
Age: 21
Past diagnosis: ADHD, depression, anxiety, BPD symptoms
Reasons for therapy: mental health is affecting relationships, work, and school
2020 July
Excerpt, 1st session:
Marietta: Maria, what makes you feel happy?
Maria: Writing my book. Reading, my friends. My dog. I know it’s bad, but I’ve always recharged most of my energy from socializing.
2020 August
Excerpt, 4th session:
Marietta: I’ve heard you explain how much pain moving so much as a child has caused you. I wonder what you think it gave you.
Maria: Three languages? … I know I’m lucky. My parents used to never listen to me; They’d say well now you speak three languages, so you shouldn’t complain. And you know what? They’re right. But I was 16 the first time I ever believed them.
Marietta: And why did you believe them?
Maria: I was 16, and at universal studios. I’m waiting in line with my aunt and cousin, who only speak English. They were bored out their minds in all the lines, but me? I was always talking to someone. I would be talking to Brazilians, to people from Spain, to anyone who spoke Spanish or Portuguese or English. It was amazing, and the first time I understood it was a gift.
2021 February
Excerpt, 15th session:
Maria: I’m scared Marietta. If my parents can’t get the PR I have to get it myself. And I get it, they’ve done a lot for me, but I didn’t ask for this, and since high school all I’ve done is try to have the normal movie teenager college experience, and it doesn’t exist! Marietta, it doesn’t exist. . . Not for me. I’ve been here, writing my uni essays, trying to get the marks I need, fast tracking school because it costs 30k per semester – I can’t even dream of paying tuition myself because I was only allowed to work in Canada when I was 18! University let me get a job with a student visa. And I have to deal with my parents throwing money in my face every week, so then I’m taking 7 courses and yet, I still don’t get any of the things I wanted. No movie college life, no friends, no money, not even the university I wanted to go to because UofT is 50k per semester! I’m only doing the things I have to. I have to go to school, I have to try to get a job and if I don’t, I can’t live here. I can’t live in the only place I can call home, in the only place I can study English, and its stupid. It’s so stupid. And it's not fair.
Marietta: You’re right maria that is a lot to deal with. And its completely fine for you to be upset about it and I am glad you are able to tell me. Do you wish you had been able to have the, as you put it, ‘normal university experience?’ Like your peers?
Maria: I do wish that. I deserve that. But I also don’t get to just graduate and move on from this problem. I still have to finish school and get a job and if I don’t, I won’t be able to get my PR and if my parents don’t get the PR before I graduate, I have to get the PR for sure. And if I don’t have my PR I cant do a master in Canada or stay in Canada. And I studied English literature! I knew that what I wanted even in high school. But what good am I gonna be able to do if nothing works out and I need to move back to Argentina? Or Brazil? How am I going to have the life I want? The life of an author? Of an actress? I’m stuck and I don’t have a choice. I don’t have a choice.
Marietta: Wow. I don’t think I realized how far this went. Would you say that this mean you have been making decisions since high school, all based around being able to stay in Canada? Not just you, but your family as well.
Maria: Yes. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
2021 March
Excerpt, 17th session:
Marietta: Congratulations! That’s such wonderful news. I am truly so happy for you, Maria. And for your family. How is your family?
Maria: They’re good. My dad is somehow not happy about this. Won’t even celebrate. Kind of heartbreaking. My mom is good. Also heartbroken that my father won’t celebrate. She helped make this happen after all.
Marietta: That is sad. Your mom should be very proud of herself. How about you? How are you feeling?
Maria: I’m happy. I think it’s a relief. I can do another degree if I want to. I don’t have to work right out of school. I can work whatever I want. I can be an actress. I can be union. I can relax, at least for a bit. It’s not done though, not yet. I’m not allowed to leave Canada for more than 3 months at a time. I have to always come back or I can lose the PR. My family will try for the citizenship, as well. But yeah. I’m here. For the first time, I actually belong to a country who’s first language is English.
Marietta: Wow. That’s amazing. I’m happy for you.
Maria: Did I ever tell you about going through the airport when I go to Argentina and Brazil? … well. It’s funny, because, I have to answer a bunch of questions to get back into Canada. When I go to Argentina or Brazil, I just have to scan my passport into a machine and take a picture. Its insane. I speak fluent Spanish and Portuguese, but hearing the accents make me trip up, and it’s insane to think that the country where I feel most home, I am not allowed to enter without a bunch of questions. At least I have my PR now.
2022 January
Excerpt, 43rd session:
Maria: I haven’t been able to write lately. I haven’t been able to do much of any of my passions, to be honest. My partner says it’s unattractive.
Marietta: You haven’t been writing?
Maria: no, I haven’t, and it’s bad for my mental health. I don’t feel motivated. I don’t feel passionate. I almost don’t recognize myself.
Marietta: Well, everyone changes, Maria. And you still love those things, right?
Maria: Yes, I do. But I’m struggling. I’ve been realizing that maybe I love new things more.
Marietta: Like what? Loving or liking new things is perfectly normal.
Maria: I’ve always wanted a family. But now I feel a sense of pride attached to having a husband and having a family and an apt and a job. I never felt like this before.
Marietta: Those are good things to want, especially if it’ll make you happy. But you’re allowed to want to be an actress and an author and those things too.
Maria: I know. But now I don’t feel like I have to be. I can just be myself. Live a life. Like anybody else’s life.
2022 April
Excerpt, 49th session:
Maria: Immigrant mentality. That’s what I am calling it.
Marietta: Okay, and what does it mean to you?
Maria: It’s the reason I don’t write anymore and the reason I have no more ambition. Well, not the full reason, but it is an important part. You see, when I was still in school, I once told an old friend about my life after grade 10. It was funny, because after I told him all I’d done since we had last talked, he was super shocked. He said, ‘how did you do all that? When is your vacation?’ and I was confused in the moment, like, no… I hadn’t done that much. I wasn’t even done yet. Think of it, I was fast-tracking university, working 20 hours a week, traveling when I could for months at a time, and I wrote a book while doing school in under a year and a half. My friend was absolutely right. I was crazy. I did so much, and until he asked me that, I had never given it a second thought. To me, I had to get all that done. I had to do all of it because I had to get the PR because I had to be Canadian because I had no choice.
Marietta: You’re friend was right. Good for you to be able to recognize that. But how does this tie into immigrant mentality?
Maria: good question. It ties in because I am finally PR, and I no longer feel any rush or desire to constantly prove myself or have to do anything. Because for the first time in my life, because I already achieved the goal, thank god to my parents, I don’t feel like anything is being asked of me for me to simply exist in my reality and enjoy life. My Canadian friends, my partner, yourself? I’m finally having a taste of what your life is like. You all can just be. I was born into this immigrant family. I never chose, not once, to move around with my parents. They chose that. I just had to come along for the ride. Now, I have no ride to go on. I am just me. It a privilege that I had never understood until now. To just be me. No flight or fight. No needing to be perfect or achieve anything to stay in Canada. Just existing. Having a choice.
Marietta: Wow. That’s beautiful. Have you considered writing a book about that, Maria?
Maria: No, not really. But maybe I should… My immigrant experience doesn’t match up with most peoples. I didn’t chose to live here, I didn’t come when I was young. I lived in four countries and had to figuratively fight to stay in Canada. That’s more similar to most of my friend’s parents. Not my friends from immigrant backgrounds. It’s not even just like their parents, because they chose to move here and this life… Maybe I should write it down.
Marietta: I hope you do. Just hearing all of this gives me a different perspective that I’m grateful for. No, Maria, you really have done all you could an fought all the battles you had to at an age that should be most about enjoying and putting yourself first. I admire that, and I hope that you’re able to believe you deserve this break and not to be too upset with yourself about your writing. Or your other ambitions. They’re still there. You’re still you.
Maria: I hope so. Thank you, Marietta. Thank you for listening.
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